i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
