What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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