I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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