yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Two words: blizzard sex
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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