dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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