..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
