Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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