she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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