Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
