I'm so fucking centered right now
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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