Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize