I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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