K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
