im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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