Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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