i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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