I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
