Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
