I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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