I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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