it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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