A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
