I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
