VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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