I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
