Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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