apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
