I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
