Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
