I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
