I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
