Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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