hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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