Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
