dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
