Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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