She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
