True but thats because hes a fetus.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
