Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
