I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
