So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
