I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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