I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She even gives head with a lisp.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
