I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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