that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
