she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
