Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
