You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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