I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
