I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i came on her dog
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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