When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
