I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
