WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
