the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We need a shit load of segways right now
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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