Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?

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(415): View more from California

u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"

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(937): View more from Ohio

my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"

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(253): View more from Washington

Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!

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