I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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