cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize