we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
