i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
