Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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