She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Someone signed my nipple.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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