She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The ass gains better be worth it
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