Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
