I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize