worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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