i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
