Whod you bang
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
