is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
